Veronica Youn Kang
Ms. Roni Johnson
Writing 1
11/12/2006
Preface
My favorite poem out of all the poems I have written is ‘How to Overcome a Gloomy Day’. I wrote this poem for teenage girls like me, so I can share my true feelings and the readers can nod their heads as they read along. I did my best to write specifically in detail, so people can understand easily by having vivid and live imagery. Not just on this poem, but for all the poems in this book, I tried to make them very smooth and enjoyable to read.
My daily lives with my friends and family inspired all of my poems. For example, my sound poem, ‘Hallway Music’, is about my everyday dorm life. Also, my mom has affected me a lot about music. She is a singer, so since I was very little, I had been listening to her practicing her songs everyday. My content poem, ‘Music is My Friend’, talks about how our lives are always with music. I personally like the shape of this poem very much. It took me some time to put my poems into an eighth-note shape; however, after I finished it, I was very satisfied. In addition, meeting with Ms. Johnson after school to revise my writings helped me the most. She gave me good advices that helped me improve in my writing skills and learn new techniques. By this result, I could understand how important it is to have a professional, like Ms. Johnson, who can give me suggestions and ideas for my work.
As I was working on my five poems, I realized word choice is the most important part to work on in writing process. For instance, even though my poem has some grammatical or organizational mistakes, it may turn out very nice if I have words that are very detailed and creative. To tell the truth, I had some problems with voice and word choice in the beginning of year. Nevertheless, I learned more and more as I have been working on many essays and poems with Ms. Johnson. Now, I think I got much better than the beginning, and moreover, I value the two traits the most in my writing process.
The title of this book, The Twinkling Stars of My Heart, tells indirectly that what I wrote in the book is very beautiful and precious. The five poems mostly come from my past memories. They are all very special and personal to me; however, I used them to write my poems because in most of the writings, sharing your true, honest feelings is very important. Therefore, as the readers read through the poems, they will laugh out loud with each other and be amused.
Table of Contents
Narrative Poem: ‘At 3 o’Clock in the Afternoon’ ---------------------------------- Page 1
Peer Assessment: ‘At 3 o’Clock in the Afternoon’ --------------------------------- Page 1A
Sound Poem: ‘Hallway Music’ --------------------------------------------------------- Page 2
Peer Assessment: ‘Hallway Music’----------------------------------------------------- Page 2A
Villanelle: ‘First Snow’ ------------------------------------------------------------------ Page 3
Self-Assessment: ‘First Snow’ -------------------------------------------------------- Page 3A
Content Poem: ‘Music is Your Friend’ ------------------------------------------------ Page 4
Self-Assessment: ‘Music is Your Friend’---------------------------------------------- Page 4A
Process Poem: ‘How to Overcome a Gloomy Day’--------------------------------- Page 5
Self-Assessment: ‘How to overcome a Gloomy Day’------------------------------- Page 5A
Minji Kang
Page 1
Narrative Poem
People in my old school
5th Draft
‘At 3 o’Clock in the Afternoon’
At 3 o’clock in the afternoon,
my friends and I grab our things
and start walking down the street.
The baleful icy wind blows our crimson uniform skirts
and scratches our bare legs.
“Where should we go?” I ask,
Same as always. The yellow bench right beside
the big old pine tree clothed with white soft ice cream snow.
Laughing and chatting never seem to end.
4 o’clock, 5 o’clock time shoots like rockets.
Rubbing our hands as hard as we can
little red noses like the blossom of Indian lilacs.
At 3 o’clock in the afternoon,
my roommate and I grab our cell phones
and start calling Mr. Ted.
“What are you up to, ding-dong?” he asks,
Same as always.
Room 25.
Sitting on a little orange chair,
one hour passes by and still on page 894
everything’s so hard to get.
Students raising their hands here and there.
Teachers running across the room here and there.
Remembering my old days
under the big old pine tree shining,
bright, green emeralds in the dazzling sunlight
right at this moment.
Minji Kang
Page 2
Sound Poem
My family
4th Draft
‘Hallway Music’
At midnight
on the girls’ hallway
of the Adams Dorm
Everywhere is dark
except for the green emergency light
glowing like a monster’s mouth
Girls in their rooms
giggling and whispering
about their day
Suddenly
tip tap tip tap
footsteps of an unknown
Shhhhh……
We whisper and
there comes the silence
Soft, gentle sound of the little girls
slowly, more slowly breathing in and out,
dreaming of their romantic fairy tales…
Minji Kang
Page 3
Villanelle
My friend in New York
4th Draft
‘First Snow’
When I see the first snow through the window
With mittens and hat that my grandma made for me
I’ll scamper off and jump in the snow
As I gently take one step and another on the white, soft snow
I’ll make the finest and the prettiest footprints that will ever be
When I see the first snow through the window
First thing I’ll do, I’ll grasp a handful of snow, and blow
The snowflakes floating in the air, and as I get on my knee
I’ll scamper off and jump in the snow
Second thing I’ll do, just like I’ve been doing since three years ago,
shaking and swinging the American Angelica Tree
When I see the first snow through the window
Third thing I’ll do, make a nice handsome snowman, although
It might have a crooked nose and bony arms like reeds,
I’ll scamper off and jump in the snow
Last but not least thing I’ll do, I’ll know
for sure, to make my snow angel with my dog Sally and Jolie
When I see the first snow through the window
I’ll scamper off and jump in the snow
Minji Kang
Self-assessment
Page 3A
‘First Snow’
‘First Snow’ was the first villanelle I have ever written in my life. It generally talks about what I will do on the first day of snow. There aren’t many grammatical mistakes and the voice of this poem is pretty childish and soft. I recognized the voice of this poem by the words I used. For example, ‘scamper off’, and ‘making snow angels and snowmen’ show how I am a very playful girl, who likes to play outside with snow. The piece is honest and passionate at appropriate parts, and has many details. Also, I used powerful verbs that give the whole poem energetic and creative with vivid imagery. The poem can be summarized and supports the main story with well-chosen details and research.
However, I should have worked more on organization and ideas. Even to me, I could not figure out what my main focus is. The message makes sense a little bit, but all I understand is that I will go outside and do many things when it snows. Moreover, this poem was not very well organized. Elements within the piece are not very effectively arranged to promote understanding, and transitions are not very smooth. Some parts are vague and awkward as well.
Overall, I think my second or third villanelle will turn out much better than this one, because at that time, I would know what I should work on more. Usually, I am pretty satisfied with my writings, but with this one, I am not very satisfied. However, I understand because it was my first try on a villanelle, and I know I tried my best.
Minji Kang
Page 4
Content Poem
Mom
5th Draft
‘Music is Your Friend’
DO
Mi
S oldo
M isol…
M usic makes
Y ou dance and
L augh it can make
Y ou cry as well…..
L ittle charming kids
S inging lalalalalalala
O rioles on a palm
T ree singing their
S ongs chopchopchop
L ove love love love
E xpress your feelings
W ith your song……..
I love you so much I would
NEVER live without you!!!!!!
Headphones on your ears listening to
your favorite song. All you gotta do is just
move your heads to left and right and remember
the old days with your only love... Music is your
life. In Paris, LA, or Seoul. When you are
delightful or depressed. Every second
and every minute you
are always around
music.
Minji Kang
Self-assessment
Page 4A
‘Music is Your Friend’
The poem has the most unique shape I’ve ever seen. It has an interesting topic that attracts the readers, and I wrote with much freedom and fun. This poem has a very happy and bright mood, and the word choice was in detail and clear. There were some metaphors and similes used in the poem that helped the readers with vivid imagery.
However, I could see some problems with organization and sentence fluency. Not all the phrases were connected to each other smoothly, and some sentences and words were repetitive. Elements within the piece sometimes seemed out of place, and the pacing was unbalanced as well. The poem mostly shows enthusiasm and passionate feelings about music, but again, it sometimes seemed like I repeated certain ideas.
Overall, I did a good job on voice, word choices, and a little bit of ideas. However, I should have worked more on organizations and sentence fluency.
Minji Kang
Page 5
Process Poem
Teenage girls
5th Draft
‘How to Overcome a Gloomy Day’
Open the window and do a deep clean of your room.
Change into your favorite jeans
that is chic enough to make yourself in the mirror satisfied.
Then go out for a walk to the nearest store
When you pass by the gold gingko tree,
the one that is just above your forehead,
stop walking and reach out your hands to find the prettiest leaf.
Go into the store and grab a Hershey Bar
Pay the cashier (the most important part)
Sing out loud your favorite songs
as you walk back home
Turn on I Love Lucy
Laugh like crazy
Burrow inside your cozy bed
Open up the Hershey Bar.
Slowly appreciate the deep, warm taste of the chocolate
melting inside your mouth
Gently close your eyes
Daydream about your lovely paradise
at the castle, near the gorgeous valley, of you and your prince.
You and your prince talking about the future that will be “brighter than the sun”
Take a short nap,
open your eyes,
and realize that your gloomy day is over.
Minji Kang
Self-Assessment
Page 5A
‘How to Overcome a Gloomy Day’
‘How to Overcome a Gloomy Day’ is my favorite poem out of all the poems I have written. The message is very clear, focused, and concise. It shows in-depth understanding about the topic. I used conventions skillfully and creatively to bring out meaning and voice. This poem was very well-organized, and the pacing is just right. The organizational pattern is ideally suited to the genre, topic, and purpose. Moreover, the voice is very calm and sophisticated, and I have shared my true feelings in the poem. All the words were in detail and meaningful, and they suited my purpose of this poem. The whole poem was pretty smooth and enjoyable to read.
However, there were some awkward parts that I wouldn’t figure out if I weren’t the writer of this poem. Everything was very well-done, but if I had let others to revise my poem before publishing, I think this poem could have been much better. Except for some inabilities to understand some parts, I really was satisfied and impressed with my writing. It had encouraged me very much for my next writings.
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